Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
