Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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