the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i am craving dick and cupcakes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
