Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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