I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
