I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
