You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
