On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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