i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
