"it" just moved
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
