LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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