THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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