i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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