need another drink. this is the easiest way
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
40s are totally the cure
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
