I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
