i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
