I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
