After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hippo gnu deer
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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