: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
