so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
