I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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