I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
