Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
