I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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