My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
