that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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