I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
