I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
