haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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