I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
