While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
