She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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