the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize