Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
