I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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