I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i think my cat just said my name.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
