So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
