just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize