I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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