I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize