Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
