went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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