3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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