I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
