bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Omg I joined a choir last night...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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