Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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