Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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