instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
