We left an ass print on the piano.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
