somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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