I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
