worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
