I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
