OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
