And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize