No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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