The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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