Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
