hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
