I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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