life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am naked and annoyed.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
