Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
