New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
