i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
