: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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