i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
