You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
