if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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