i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
