his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize