..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
