im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
