It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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