i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize