WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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