Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Pants are for mortals
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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