Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
