Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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