if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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