oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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