I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
