Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
