THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize