Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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