my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize