ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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