I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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