I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize