somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
