Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
