So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
