For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
