apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
